I have to write this down so I don’t forget.

Last night with Samahang Modern was more than I could have ever dreamed of for this team.  As a coordinator, team member, dancer, and person, I feel so fortunate to have experienced something so magical.  On my high school dance team, I’d always look at score sheets and wonder about judging criteria.  I learned a very important term from these score sheets, something called: “Esprit de corps”.  Last night at The Key Club in Hollywood was the first time I had ever truly witnessed what esprit de corps really meant.

We’ve had a really tough year so far.  And just about a month and a half ago, this were in a really dark place.  People were tired, unhappy, angry, and dissatisfied.  I only know this because I felt exactly this way.  I wasn’t sure if the team would continue, and even if it did, I was even more worried of how our journey would progress.  But somewhere in the chaos of it all, we talked things out and just did what we do best: dance.  In the past few weeks, I don’t know how… but we revitalized ourselves.  Getting ready for ultimate brawl was exhausting, having all night rehearsals, 4 nights in a row.  And with being so tired, Ultimate Brawl was not without its frustrations and nerves.  However, at the end of the competition, we were proud and happy about our performance, and even happier to finally get some sleep.

Most of us didn’t sleep long though, because the next day, we had yet another rehearsal to start preparing for Battle Royale, which was 4 days away.  Battle Royale is an annual competition hosted by Omega Sigma Tau, in which ACA Hip Hop, NSU Modern, and Samahang Modern compete.  The 3 days of rehearsal were exhausting and to be honest, only half effective.  As a team, we didn’t have time to recuperate from ultimate brawl, and we were just dead tired.  But this didn’t stop us from ending the night with an amazing video recording.  There were seriously nights that I was so exhausted, and felt sloppy, then I would watch the video of our rehearsal from that night and it would surprise me how good we really looked.  We made a few changes in our set, which normally wouldn’t have been a huge problem, but seeing as we only had a countable amount of hours before the competition, the situation was a little more fragile.  I’ll never forget our last rehearsal before battle royale, we started letting energy lose at the last few counts of our closer, and it felt SOOO GOOOD.  So bomb.

The day of battle royale went by so fast.  After tech times, we rehearsed a few crowded transitions.  And to say the least, people were getting frustrated and nervous.  But all we had to do was remember how awesome our set was, and how proud we were of each other.  Getting ready to perform was awesome.  We were filled with energy, positivity, and determination.  I was so impressed with the team.  We were cheering other teams as they would go on stage, and we were so excited to perform.  It honestly felt like magic.  Usually before big/important performances, I tend to get nervous, and I have to convince myself that it’s merely excitement in a different form.  But last night was completely different.  waiting in the stairwell getting ready to perform, was purely exciting.  There wasn’t an ounce of nerves.  We were gonna give a groundbreaking performance, and I was more sure of this than almost anything else in my life.  We were destined to be great.

To be completely honest, I don’t really remember dancing on stage.  I was just completely consumed and immersed in all this energy.  It looked like the crowd was jumping the entire performance, and being on stage, everything just flowed, but not calmly like a creek, but like a GUSHING RAPID RIVER.  I can’t even explain what it felt like to perform.  It was all this energy, and when i wasn’t on stage, I could almost cry from how proud I was watching my teammates perform.  The ending.. oh my goodness the ending.  When we were doing the last few counts of our closer, and we began to verbally release our energy, I was going ballistic, and the crowd was right there with us, they were screaming and jumping like crazy.  When we finished our performance, i started cheering right away, even as i was still holding our final pose haha.  We literally owned the stage, we were jumping around and sharing the excitement with the audience!  The entire floor was filled with people cheering and hands in the air!  I remember seeing a guy raise his hand holding up the number 1.  And it was definitely true… we were number 1 last night.  Not just number 1 in comparison to the other teams, but it was the number 1 performance of the year… and the number 1 performance of my UCLA career.

After the performance, I couldn’t stand still, I was still excited, still had all this energy, and was screaming my head off with the rest of my team.  I celebrated for like a good 30 minutes haha.  I celebrated  for so long that I didn’t even notice them announce awards hahaha.  We didn’t win first place at the dance competition.  But like I said, for so many reasons, we won 1st place on so many different and more important levels last night.

Having been at UCLA and on Samahang Modern so long, I can’t help but realize how special and rare last night was.  I can only thank the broken and struggle-filled road that led us to such a memorable and lifechanging night.  Last night would have only been possible with this specific group of talented and funny people.  Thank god I failed chem 114. hahaha.  If we had quit when things got dark a month ago, we wouldn’t have been here.  If I had quit when I had my doubts, I wouldn’t have been there.  Last night was perfect.  I honestly am so grateful everything went the way it did.  Even changing one thing would have made it less special.

In a way, I’m kind of glad we didn’t win.  Because it made me appreciate even more the reasons why I was happy last night and am still ecstatic now.  This memory will live forever in my heart and mind not because of a trophy/belt, but because we achieved more than I ever thought possible, used the shattered pieces from a month ago and created something spectacular, but above all… I feel like I reached a sort of “nirvana” as a dancer, an ultimate high that can only be achieved through a true love for dancing and a true love for your teammates.

Samahang Modern past, present, and future, I love you.